Helpful conflict management
- “Conflict is not bad – badly managed conflict is bad – but worst of all is to deny space for conflict to surface.”
Find ways to discover and safely discuss the “undiscussable”.
Self management Practices
- Desiring to be at peace with people is a good thing
- Use conflict as an opportunity to serve others
- Encourage good practice by personal example
- Deal only with issues that are too important to overlook
- Overlook minor offences
- Guard your attitude from negative thinking
It might be too costly to not settle conflict
- Consider the cost of continuing conflict verses settling it
- Emotional, relational, financial
- Am I guilty of reckless words, gossip or slander?
- Have I kept my word and fulfilled all of my responsibilities?
- Have I abused my authority?
- Have I respected those in authority over me?
Do unto others as you would have it done unto you!
- Have I treated others as I would want to be treated?
- Are my motives worthwhile?
- Am I committed to a healthful relationship?
- I will listen responsibly by waiting patiently while others speak
- Clarify through appropriate questions
- Reflect their feelings and concerns with paraphrased responses
- Agree with them wherever possible
- There is great value in the discipline of “seeking to understand before seeking to be understood”
- It is helpful to confirm rather than presume that you understand
- It is not enough to just “hear” people – people want to know that they have been heard
- Effective listening creates an opportunity to build a foundation of trust
- I will listen responsibly by waiting patiently while others speak…
- Choose a time and place that will be conducive to a productive conversation
- Believe the best about others until I have the facts to prove otherwise
- Talk in person whenever possible
- Plan my words in advance and try to anticipate how others will respond to me.
- Use “I” statements when appropriate
Clarity is worth a thousand time more
- State objectives facts rather than personal opinions
- Ask for feedback
- Offer solutions and preferences
- Recognize your limits and stop talking once you have said what is reasonable and appropriate
- When possible resolve problems one to one
- When it is not possible to resolve problems one to one seek appropriate 3rd party support (facilitator, arbitrator)
- Upon resolution:
- I will no longer dwell on the incident
- I will not bring the incident up again and use it against the party
- I will not talk to others about the incident
- I will not allow the incident to come between a potential relationship (using appropriate judgment)
- I will affirm my respect and concern for my opponent.
- I will do what is right no matter what others do to me.